San Francisco To Lower Golden Gate Bridge To Curb Suicide Attempts

tower bridge

London’s Tower Bridge demonstrates it’s famous “Pinball Flippers” anti-suicide equipment.



The city of San Francisco in The United States have announced that they are going to lower the famous Golden Gate Bridge, which spans San Francisco Bay and links it to The Pacific Ocean, leaving it suspended just 3 feet from the water in an effort to deter would-be suicide victims from leaping to their deaths.

The bridge, often macabrely referred to as The Bridge Of Death, has claimed over 1,400 victims since it was opened in 1937 and is the most prolific suicide site in The United States.

The Mayor Of San Francisco, Ed Lee, told reporters last night. “We feel it’s time something was done to deter people from taking their own lives in this way. Being dubbed the suicide capital of America is detrimental to our reputation and downright bad for business. We aim to start work on lowering the bridge in the fall and hope to finish before the Christmas rush of suicidal folks who have maxed out their credit cards begins”

The Mayor’s office have issued a statement however, pointing out that the bridge will be restored to it’s former height if Justin Bieber ever decides to take the easy way out.


Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

11 responses to “San Francisco To Lower Golden Gate Bridge To Curb Suicide Attempts

  1. Son of a bitch! I was just about to sell that bridge to a suicidal guy I know so he jump off. Damn it all to hell!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Do you think the knocking down of the cliff known as Beachy Head a worthwhile between jobs enterprise for Danny Sparko?


  3. Phew! It’s good to know it’s adjustable in case Justin Bieber visits our fine union again. The last time he was arrested in Miami, we tried to feed him to the sharks, but they wanted no part of him. He bobbed around in the ocean for days but the coast guard had to fish him out when the red tide started to come in.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on mikesteeden and commented:
    His Facebook page is a veritable home for nutters in temperate climates.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. you’ve captured the San Francisco braintrust perfectly


  6. Very funny! With the bridge lowered I guess that M*A*S*H song will become relevant again: “Suicide is painless”…



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