Hi fellow blogger!
I have carefully singled out your wonderful blog from literally millions of other WordPress offerings because I find it so: insightful/poetic/interesting/riveting/searingly erotic/moving/well-written etc for the prestigious Soz Satire IASNF Award.
In so doing I’m naturally assuming that you’re a gullible, desperate fuckwit of heroic proportions with nothing better to do all day than answer a shedload of personal questions about yourself which I can then pass on to other people of a similar tragi-comic ilk who will also take up the gauntlet in the risible belief that their utterly unremarkable blog is of any interest to any other fucker whatsoever.
I would therefore greatly appreciate it if you would put your life on hold for hours on bastard end so that I, and myriad other nosey, two bob arseoles can know your intimate details and pass them on to anyone who can afford a second hand laptop or has stolen and unlocked somebody else’s phone.
Disclaimer: I am probably the young, attractive, friendly, interesting man/woman I claim to be and not a 70 year old Halibut fisherman/woman from Grimsby with a string of convictions for masturbating through my trousers/big pants, on railway station platforms and I promise not to send you pictures of my rather unimpressive little shrivelled nob/tired old growler just a few days after making contact.
All the very best from your most ardent admirer
Insert laughably fictitious name here and pass it on ……