Soz Satire’s Heavily Edited Epic Movies In Cockney #657 Ben Hur

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Benny gives Jesus a luvlee cup o’ splosh just before them Roman bleeders nail the poor cow’s son up for the night

Benny Boy – Blimey Messala I love knocking about with you old son. You’re me best china plate and no error!

Messala – Oi! Did you just bung a roof tile at my Uncle Ned you mug? You’re going down for that squire!

10 Years Later

Benny Boy – Gawd strewth! This old galley slave game’s absolutely diabolical! I wish some Thracian pirates or some fuckers like that, would attack our boat so I could get up on me toes and save Jack Hawkins from drowning.

Quintus Arrias (Jack Hawkins) – Blimey what a result! Thank gawd you was on the scene Benny boy! I thought I was brown bread back there son! Come back to my gaff and I’ll adopt you as me boy and make sure you get kitted out in some top of the bastard range shmutter. I’ll even sort you out with a tidy little piece of blart  if you play yer cards right. Know what I mean geezer?

A Couple Of Years Later

Benny Boy – Stroll on Sheik! I don’t fink I’ve ever seen a more blindin’ bunch of donkeys in all my natural! Any danger of takin’ em for a spin round the old arena and that?

Sheik Ilderim – Yeah fuck it, go on then sheriff. Tell you what geezer, I’ll stick a few sovs on yers to win and we’ll tuck up that flash monkey Massala while we’re about it.

Benny Boy – Sweet as squire! Could end up as a tidy little earner for the pair of us, know wot I mean guvnor?

A Week Later And A Few Laps Into The Race

Benny Boy – Fuck’s sake! That liberty taking toerag Massala keeps stripin’ me ‘arris with his bleedin’ whip! With a bit of luck he’ll take his eye off the ball and end up getting run over by one of these other mugs.

Massala – Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Benny Boy – Back of the fucking net!

A Few Years Later, Back At Benny’s Drum

Benny Boy – Ullo mum! Ullo sis! Blimey you’re looking well! The last time I clocked the pair of yers you were in shit state! You had boils all over yer boats and gawd knows what fucking else! This has gotta be darn to that Jesus geezer. What a toff! I’m gonna stop bein’ a right lairy bleeder and follow in ‘is footsteps and that!

Mum –  You know it makes sense Treacle. Now give yer old mum a kiss fer gawd’s sake yer soppy little toerag!

The End.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

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5 Comments

Filed under Comedy, Humor, Humour, Showbiz, Spoof

5 responses to “Soz Satire’s Heavily Edited Epic Movies In Cockney #657 Ben Hur

  1. So there I am at the natural spring from which flows the Elixir of Satire and it (even accounting for the winter rains) has run dry. Why? Because you were greedy and drunk the bloody lot! Selfish that is – blinding post by the way.

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  2. Me Nan won a few Sheckles back in the day. Gawd bless ’em!

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    • My nan was far too young to remember sheckles Treacle. However,she did once confide in me that she once dined at The Dorchester, took in a West End show and sailed twice round the world in The Lucitania and still had 2/6d change from a cock and hen.
      She woz poor but she woz ‘appy my ‘andsome.

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  3. Underhand boasting of your lineage again? My nan certainly had no cock, I can tell you!still she certainly enjoyed a good stoning back in the day.

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