Situations Vacant: UKIP Parliamentary Candidate Required

Following the tragic suicide of one of our members last night, who appears to have taken his own life after being ritually humiliated before millions of listeners, by glib-tongued, commie agitator and broadcaster, James O’ Brien, on LBC 97.3FM yesterday morning, the United Kingdom Independence Party are delighted to announce that we are now actively seeking a candidate to stand in the next general election.

The unpleasant, beetle-browed bigot we are looking for should be aged between 21 and 70, married (to a member of the opposite sex), gainfully employed, preferably in the commodities broking sphere, and able to demonstrate a breathtakingly ill-informed grasp of politics and a risible take on life in general, particularly when being held up to ridicule by socialist, closet bum boys on radio phone-ins.

The ability to produce genealogy records, showing an extremely remote ancestral connection to a foreign country, preferably somewhere benign like Belgium or one of the Scandinavian countries, would be advantageous, particularly when trotting out duplicitous platitudes such as “I come from a family of immigrants myself you know” to slavering, bed-wetting, pinko broadcasters who have you cornered in a debate like a rat in a trap.

If you think you fulfil all, or most, of the above criteria, are well below average intelligence, have a rabid dislike of foreigners and deviants, and can produce documentary evidence that you were repeatedly censured at school for exhibiting neo-nazi tendencies, ask your bonded Filipina maid or gay lover to contact our central office on your behalf to arrange an interview.

No dogs, kykes, Irish, coons, poofs or seaside landladies.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit



Filed under Satire

3 responses to “Situations Vacant: UKIP Parliamentary Candidate Required

  1. A bit obscure this one perhaps folkzzz, but it was written in response to the utter, utter, destruction of 2 wretched UKIP bods who made the fatal error of calling the verbally dexterous, left-of-centre, radio phone-in host James O Brien yesterday morn.
    It’s also an excuse to give racists and homophobes the jolly good cunting they so richly deserve 🙂


  2. I feel a ‘share’ coming on Mr Lionel Sir.



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