Three normal children pictured with a dog-carrying lesbian last night.
Five Go Off To Smuggler’s Cove.
Scene 1 -Great Uncle Quentin’s Remote Clifftop House
“I say you lot. Isn’t it absolutely spiffing that it’s the summer hols and we’re spending the time with Great Uncle Quentin at his remote house on a cliff, which rather handily, overlooks the mysterious Smuggler’s Cove which nobody in the village will talk about?”
“I’ll say it is Julian! You really are an absolute brick for bringing us here. HUZZAH!”
“Yes he jolly well is and as I’m the tomboy in the group who will no doubt become a complete lesbian before I’m very much older, I’m hoping that we’ll become embroiled in an absolutely wizard adventure involving smugglers and the like. HUZZAH!”
“I say everybody, what are those mysterious lights out at sea about a mile offshore from Smuggler’s Cove? I wonder if it’s some criminal types up to no good!”
“Yes I do believe it’s a gang of ruthless smugglers Dick. Probably a bunch of blackies from Africa or suchlike. I’m going to jolly well call the police!”
Scene 2 – At the police station
“Thanks to you kids we’ve managed to foil a ruthless plot to smuggle diamond watches into England and we’ve got 5 darkies safely behind bars. Sgt Wilkins will take you to the canteen for that and what’s more the food’s on us”
“HUZZAH! Do they serve cold ham and tongue sandwiches and lashings of ginger beer/”
“Don’t be so fucking ridiculous! You’ll have egg, chips and beans and bloody well like it!