Subbuteo Table Soccer To Introduce Dead Spectator Figure In 2014


A handful of delighted Subbuteo fans pictured celebrating the new proposal outside the company’s London office last night

Table football icons, Subbuteo, have unveiled plans to feature a deceased fan in the 2014 Christmas version of the popular game. The announcement comes after the recent spate of deaths by natural causes at games up and down the country.

A spokesman for the company told a press conference last night.

“Here at Subbuteo we pride ourselves on being up to date with all the latest trends and developments in the game, so with this in mind we have decided to introduce a new figure representing the number of supporters who have passed away during matches in recent months.

“It’s a little early to reveal details just yet, but our designers are currently working on producing a hunched, seated figure with it’s head lolling to one side. After the match itself is completed, players will be able to flick the figure forwards so that it falls face down in the gap between seating.

“We also plan to introduce a small, coffin-shaped slot in the box to accommodate the figure, on top of which, a small phial of fish oil will be provided so that players can add a few drops to the box before closing the lid. This will then produce an authentic, rotting flesh aroma the next time the box is opened.”

The company hope to release the updated version in time for Christmas 2014, although they are remaining tight-lipped about rumours that work is under-way to revamp their much-loved table cricket game by manufacturing an England team consisting entirely of 11 corpses.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit



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6 responses to “Subbuteo Table Soccer To Introduce Dead Spectator Figure In 2014

  1. The return of my old favourite and about time! Carruthers and I often enjoy a little flick around with figurines of our respective choice. Of course we still await with baited breathe the manufacture of the Arsenal all-conquering ladies side.


  2. Me

    I think I should not suggest the Special Edition Bradford City Fan set sponsored by Zippo…


  3. Great minds think alike. I’ve been making wreaths out of the bum hairs of my rabbit for years. Can these be incorporated somehow?



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