An erotic fiction writer pictured having a crafty self-publish last night.
Reports are coming in from the embattled city of Sebastopol, in the Crimean region of The Ukraine, that an uprising among anti-government supporters has been quelled by around 200 writers of third rate erotica, reportedly hired by the beleaguered Ukranian president, Viktor Yankovych, in a last-gasp bid to seize back power from the rebel forces that forced him into exile in Russia earlier this week..
The writers, all self-published, and with an abysmal grasp of syntax and narrative construction, reportedly entered the city under cover of darkness on Tuesday night and are now believed to have seized control of the local TV station and the town hall.
An eye witness who was in the town square when the writers entered told us.
“It was quick, brutal and very effective. The anti-government rebels seemed to have total control and were celebrating in the square when the writers entered. They were all wearing black velvet eye masks and were dressed in flimsy negligees and peep-toed, kitten heeled shoes. Some appeared to be carrying pink fluffy handcuffs and spanking paddles. I knew almost at once that they were self-published writers of appallingly bad erotica. They were each carrying a copy of their latest novel, some of which had a picture of a scantily clad young woman with long hair on the front cover. One seemed to depict a willowy brunette, emerging from the ocean dressed in a flimsy chiffon robe which displayed her arse crack and a side view of her tits. I’ve never been more scared in all my life. At one point I took shelter in a bombed out house as it looked for a moment as if a few of them were going to start reading out passages of their books through megaphones. All I want now is for them to take their laughably dull, poorly-written grumble novels and leave us in peace”
The situation appeared calm last night, although the local hospital have reported a number of injuries, including a young woman who, according to doctors, had swooned to the pavement, striking her head on the ground after one of the writers had wrapped his muscular, bronzed arms around her softly yielding body. Other victims were being treated for intense boredom and hysterical laughter-related injuries.
For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire