Soccer Legend David Beckham Held Following Theft Of Honey Boo Boo’s Pneumatic Drill

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Concerned townspeople gather outside the McIntyre jail house last night.

Police in the southern United States town of McIntyre, Georgia, last night revealed that they have arrested England soccer icon, David Beckham, on suspicion of stealing a pneumatic drill belonging to child beauty pageant contestant and US TV star, Honey Boo Boo.

It is believed that Beckham, 87, took the item from Miss Boo Boo’s back yard while the 6 year old was inside with her Mother, Mama June, being fitted for a new ball gown in readiness for a beauty pageant in nearby Washington DC next Saturday.

Speaking outside the town jail house, Sheriff Jed Lynchmob told waiting reporters.

“Following the reported theft of a pneumatic drill from the property of Honey Boo Boo last Tuesday afternoon I can now confirm that we are holding the British soccer player, David Beckham, on suspicion of petty larceny. Mr Beckham denies all charges at this moment in time and will be held in custody until his trial 6 months from now or thereabouts.”

Speaking from outside their home, Honey Boo Boo’s father, Mike “Sugar Bear” Thomson, told reporters.

“Landsakes ah really don’t know what to say to y’all ’bout this here business folks. Mah little girl loved that drill just like she loves her little coon dawg puppy. Ah had it all done up real special for her too, with little diamanté handgrips and a set of perdy little pink industrial strength drill bits for when she went out a drillin’ and a diggin’ outside our back porch. And now that low down sonofabitch Beckham done stole it and mussed it all up.

“Ah’ll tell you now people, mah little princess used to love that piece of limey crap and used to watch his thieving ass play that English soccer every chance she got. Now all she wants is to see that dirty s.o.b a kickin’ and a hangin’ from that big ole Elm Tree outside the county courthouse and ah don’t blame her none for it! No siree ah dont!”

This latest incident has stunned Beckham’s fans worldwide who were already reeling from the news that his wife, Victoria, was being held by police in London, England for allegedly breaking into the home of The Duke Of Cambridge and stealing a vinyl recording of Tennessee Ernie Ford singing 16 Tons.

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3 Comments

Filed under Humour, Satire, Showbiz

3 responses to “Soccer Legend David Beckham Held Following Theft Of Honey Boo Boo’s Pneumatic Drill

  1. The stuff of genius! So much so that I’ve just binned the post I was writing up for today – back to the drawing board and all that!

    Like

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