BBC Test Card Girl. The No-Frills Tennis Coach The Pros Can Trust


Dear BBC Test Card Girl

I’m a leading tennis pro whose career has taken a bit of a downturn recently. After a couple of highly successful years in which I won The US Open, an Olympic gold medal, and reached the pinnacle of every pro’s dream by winning the Wimbledon men’s final, I find myself in a bit of a slump and have slipped down the world rankings to No.5.

My all round game is still pretty solid and I feel I’m a match for any player on the circuit when it comes to ground strokes, lobs, volleys etc. My problem is solely related to my serve. I seem to have developed a kind of nervous tic after the ball toss and find myself freezing just before I strike the ball, or sometimes, even missing the ball completely and falling over. I suppose it’s akin to the pro golfer’s “yips” or the snooker player’s inability to deliver the cue when using the long rest. I’ve tried everything I can think of to overcome this one but to no avail. I’ve even asked my mum, a top coach and advisor to some of the greatest players in the world to help me, but she just asks me if I’ve got my vest on or if I’ve been eating my greens. The other day when I asked her if yoga or pilates might help loosen  the shoulder a bit, she just spat on a corner of her hankie and wiped around my chin.

In short I just don’t know where to turn BBC Test Card Girl, so I’m praying that you can call on your long experience of coaching some of the legends of the game and help me overcome this one. If not I’ll probably just throw in the towel and take on a role in the commentary box at Wimbledon or something.

Yours Faithfully

A. Murray

Great Britain.


Dear Mr Murray

Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. In the meantime here’s some music…

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit


Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire

6 responses to “BBC Test Card Girl. The No-Frills Tennis Coach The Pros Can Trust

  1. Life on Mars or what! Great sstuff.


  2. Mate, this is one of your best for sure. The advice from Murray senior was not only awful but truly wonderful! And the response from the test card girl… I have no words.


    • Hehehe it’s a funny old world Smiffy. I slung that piece of shit together after dreaming it up in the shower this morning. A real, bone idle, ten minute job.Maybe I should shower more often. Whaddya think? Maybe even twice a year, whether I need it or not?


  3. Me

    This made me laugh, a lot



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