Government Presses For Royal Belt Tightening As Queen Blows £13.75 Down The Pub

The Queen’s Grandad looking chastened after a bollocking from Cardinal Wolsey for spending 1/6d on comely wenches in a local rub ‘n’ tug shop

A government financial body has urged the royal household to kerb excessive spending as it was revealed that The Queen, accompanied by Prince Philip, spent £13.75 last Saturday night in a local pub close to their Windsor home.

The House Of Commons Accounts Committee issued a statement last night strongly criticising use of public funds by Her Majesty, on what they described as, “frivolous jaunts”

The report alleges that The Queen splashed out on 2 pints of light and bitter and a Sambuca “Depth Charge” cocktail, and then went on to play 3 games of bar billiards with her husband at 50p a frame.

The Common’s statement also made the claim that Prince Philip had a number of unsuccessful goes on the fruit machine costing a further £3,00.

A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace told reporters last night.

“Yes it’s correct that Her Majesty and The Duke Of Edinburgh went out for a quiet drink down their local last Saturday and that a small sum was spent on drink and a couple of pub games, but what the people of this country should also know is that The Duke had earlier won £20.00 on the horses for an outlay of just £5.00 on a 4/1 shot at Kempton Park, and that it was this money that was used to fund the night out and not monies from the public purse”

He then left without taking questions as journalists pressed him on alleged claims that Philip had spent £2.00 on a packet of strawberry flavoured rubber johnnies in the bogs and that they’d both had a large doner with salad and chili sauce in the cab on the way home.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit


Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire, Spoof

4 responses to “Government Presses For Royal Belt Tightening As Queen Blows £13.75 Down The Pub

  1. Shirley is laughing (as am I) as I gave a recital of this. Top of your game Sir.


    • Mate you are absolutely not going to believe this but I swear to God it’s gospel.
      When I read that earlier I did the biggest double take of all damn times! I thought you said “Shirley is laughing as I give her a rectal”
      No wonder the poor little mare’s eyes are always watering ! 😦


      • Not quite my thing (or hers for that matter) yet looking at my reply I can see where you’re coming from – of course that remark could go all ‘Carry On’! I should have added in my earlier comment our friend Jill from Canada has been staying these past few days and she spat her morning tea out as I was ‘reciting’ – in the light of that I read her your one from yesterday and I swear she almost pissed herself.


  2. My girlfriend and I howled with laughter. We thank you for such a skit.



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