Menopausal Meg. Hormonal Agony Aunt From Hades

Dear Meg.

I’m a shy 17 year old boy who has fallen hopelessly in love with a girl in my class at school. I find myself thinking of her constantly and can’t concentrate on my school work or anything else for that matter. My parents are constantly nagging me to do better and I know I should make more of an effort but all I can think of is her.

She’s very pretty and outgoing and makes friends very easily. She’s friendly and kind to me at school but I want more than that. I don’t think she has a boyfriend and would love to ask her out, but I’m so shy and lacking in self confidence that I just can’t summon up the courage.

Please help me if you can Meg as I don’t know who else to turn to. It’s got to the point now where I don’t think I want to go on living if it means seeing her with somebody else one day.

Timothy Matthews

Stowe-On-The-Wold

Dear Timothy

This is absolutely typical of men! I work my fingers to the bone in this house, day in day out, and all you can do is coming whining to me with your pathetic, sordid little fantasies!

Do you know how long it took for me to hoover this house from top to bottom yesterday? No? Well I’ll tell you shall I? Three and a half hours!!! Three and a half hours slaving away while you were sitting on your backside in a warm classroom staring at some brazen little madame’s undernourished tits!

You’re all the same the bloody lot of you! Brains in your boxers. My ex-husband was exactly the same. He’d come rolling into this house after spending 9 to 10 hours living it up on some building site in the middle of winter and expect me to cook bloody dinner for him!

I used to say to him “Don’t think for one minute you can come barging into this house at all hours, expecting me to skivvy for you after you’ve been out gallivanting half the day, because, if you do, you’ve got another think coming matey, Oh and there’ll be none of your pawing and mauling of me in bed tonight neither! Oh dear me no! You’re no better than a rutting beast of the field!. I should have listened to my mother, God rest her.  She warned me about you and your disgusting ways!”

So my advice to you, you mucky little oik, is to get on with your bloody lessons and get your mind out of the gutter. Better still, visit one of those suicide advisory web sites and find a quick way to do away with yourself. You’ll be doing all concerned a favour, believe you me!

Fondest Best Wishes And All The Very Best For The Future

Meg x

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

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2 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Personal, Satire, Soz Satire

2 responses to “Menopausal Meg. Hormonal Agony Aunt From Hades

  1. She’s back I pleased to note – such a wise, wise lady. Great stuff.

    Like

  2. I bet you wish you could make her yours eh mate? I bet you’re imagining all those scented evenings spent rubbing the warm evening primrose oil on her chest and dressing your head wounds. I know I am!!!!

    Like

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