Savoury Snack Abuse ‘Rife’ In Colorado Following New Drugs Law

A number of items seized by police in a raid on an illegal snack den last night

Following the legalisation of the buying of Marijuana in the US state of Colorado yesterday, reports are emerging of a worrying increase in the sale and consumption of potato-based snack items, tragically culminating in the death of a 52 year old male from Denver.

A spokesman for the Denver Police Dept told a press conference.

“Since the law governing the buying of Marijuana for personal consumption was changed we have noticed a huge increase in the sale of savoury snacks of all descriptions, with many stores selling out within hours of opening. This has led to a number of lawless incidents, including the mugging of school kids for their packed lunches, and elderly or vulnerable people having their boxes of Pringles ripped from their hands in the street. Sadly, I also have to tell you that a 27 year old female has been shot and wounded for refusing to hand over her Cheesy Puffs to a masked assailant.

“We have also learned that cross-border smuggling has already begun, with border control officers arresting a man from Tijuana in Mexico with 3 tubes of Doritos concealed in his anal cavity.

“Tragically I also have to inform you that we’ve had a suspected snack-related death after officers found the body of a 30 year old male in an alleyway. The corpse was surrounded by various items of snack paraphernalia, including empty Cheesy Wotsits wrappers, small cocktail sticks with cheese and pineapple on them and a half eaten, bacon and chive flavour, Ritz Cracker. The Medical Examiner has told us that he died as a result of asphyxiation due to a pretzel becoming lodged in his airway. His family have been informed and our thoughts are with them at this terrible time”

These revelations comes hot on the heels of the news, that following the new law, a number of Colorado citizens have forgotten where they parked their cars and that the Mayor Of Denver has been asked to resign after he began giggling incessantly while in attendance at a slain police officer’s funeral yesterday.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

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5 Comments

Filed under Comedy, Humor, Humour, Satire, Soz Satire, Spoof

5 responses to “Savoury Snack Abuse ‘Rife’ In Colorado Following New Drugs Law

  1. Dark Side of the Moon and a jar of pickled eggs that was darn good that was!

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  2. Dearest Clivey,
    On average I view your site about once a week, which means that once a week I’m guaranteed to read at least four or five satirical pearls of humor. For that, I thank you. As a token of my appreciation, I nominated you for the ‘Incentive Blogger Award’: http://randomnessessities.com/2014/01/04/not-schindlers-list-but-nominees-for-the-inventive-blogger-award/
    Whether you accept the nomination or not is up to you of course. I simply felt your site deserved some extra credit, for I’m certain readers of my blog (all three of them!) will appreciate yours as well.

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    • My dear randomnessessities (may I call you random?) I am both surprised and delighted, not to mention, honoured to have been nominated for this prestigious, much sought after award.
      I should like to thank my mother and father for cavorting like common rutting beasts of the field to produce me, and yourself for your appalling judgement. I thank you.

      In all seriousness my friend, I thank you most sincerely and profoundly (not to mention politely) for this one. It has brightened what has already become a day of utter terror. Thanks my friend! 🙂

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      • You’re very welcome and yes, you may call me Random, for it is what I am…Keep up the good work. Apart from a good laugh, your site is a great alternative to watching the news. I get the feeling your site is more informative than the news, actually…

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