Work gets under way to give Dorking that “Mogadishu look” last night.
There was tremendous excitement in the small rural backwater of Dorking in Surrey last night as plans were unveiled to twin the town with war- torn Mogadishu, the capital of Somalia and notorious home of murderous pirates and various warring tribal factions.
The Deputy Mayoress, Mrs Dolores Hunt, 56, made the announcement at a packed meeting of the town council on Tuesday evening.
“This is a real red letter day in the history of our town” she said “For a small and sleepy little place like ours to be twinned with the capital of a war ravaged failed state is a real coup and a tremendous honour. Not only will it put Dorking very much on the map, it will also help boost the town hall coffers with much needed revenue derived from shared booty from kidnappings, and of course plunder from piracy on the high seas, for which are good friends in Mogadishu are so rightly feted..
“We’re also hoping to arrange a number of student exchanges so that our youngsters can see first- hand how people from other cultures routinely murder and mutilate each other in the cause of ethnic and religious diversity. In return we’re asking the townspeople to open their doors and take in a small number of drug addled, psychotic and fully armed young Somali gangsters with a view to teaching them a few rudimentary lessons in hosting quiet bridge evenings and how to organise a summer fete.
“As a bit of light hearted fun, and to make our guests feel at home, we’re planning to launch a dawn raid on our neighbours in Guildford, during which we hope to slaughter a number of the townspeople, abduct their children and force them to become child soldiers before storming the local radio station.
“I have of course been in close touch with a number of the various warlords that roam the area, who have very kindly offered to give both myself and my husband, along with our two children, an extensive tour of the city. To this end we have chartered a small boat, and will hopefully be cruising aimlessly around the Indian Ocean with no sea charts or compass by the end of the month. Our hosts have assured us this will guarantee us a warm and joyous welcome from the locals.
“As a further mark of our friendship, and to make our honoured guests feel completely at home, the council have agreed to tear down a number of buildings in the town centre. To add an extra touch of authenticity, our French cousins from across the Channel have kindly agreed to supply us with a number of slavering, rabid dogs to roam through the rubble during our guests’ stay.”
Mrs Hunt was then winched aboard a bullet riddled, Blackhawk helicopter by US Marines, which was then brought down by friendly fire as a number of delighted townspeople discharged AK47 assault rifles and fired shoulder launched ground to air missiles into the air.
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