“I Was Never Abused By Rolf Harris” One Woman’s Shock Claim

Harris pictured leaving his home in disguise last night

There was a fresh twist in the ongoing saga surrounding entertainer Rolf Harris last night after a 54 year old woman made the claim that despite the fact that she was once an under-age girl, she had never been sexually abused by the star.

Mrs Janet Coyte, from The Isle Of Mull in The Inner Hebrides, makes the shock claim in a forthcoming BBC documentary which is poised to unmask the TV star as a serial abuser of girls as young as 9 during his long career as a popular showbiz icon.

In a shockingly frank interview, Mrs Coyte claims “I know that a number of other women have made allegations of being sexually abused by Rolf, but I can only speak for myself and I’m telling you that throughout my early teens he never once even so much as made an inappropriate remark to me, let alone tried to touch me intimately. I’ve always found him to be a perfect gentleman.”

Between bouts of sobbing she went on. “Yes I know I have spent my entire life on a remote Hebridian island hundreds of miles from where Rolf  is alleged to have committed these terrible acts, but that’s beside the point. If all these accusations are true then why didn’t he simply get the ferry from the mainland and subject me to a terrifying and traumatic ordeal when I was 13 or 14? It just doesn’t make any sense. I’m convinced his accusers are simply attention seeking mischief makers, determined to besmirch the name of a wonderful entertainer and a great man. I think it’s disgusting to be honest with you”

Mrs Coyte was unavailable for comment last night but it’s believed that she’s also prepared to categorically deny that foul-mouthed celebrity chef, Gordon Ramsay, ever told her that her cooking was “Absolute fucking shite.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

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Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire, Showbiz, Spoof, Uncategorized


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