Canadian pop icon, Justin Bieber, has made the surprise announcement that he’s going to quit the music business and set up home on the enormous face of his British counterpart, Olly Murs, accompanied by US child star, Honey Boo Boo.
Bieber, 11, spoke to reporters from outside his home in Toronto last night.
“I’ve had it with being a pop star and all the hassle that goes with it. These last few months have been hell for me, and to be honest with you, I don’t think people understand how tough it can be being constantly in the public eye. I can’t even go to the can without some damn pap with a long lens trying to get a money shot of my cock. I’ve therefore decided to get the hell out and set up home on the gigantic face of Olly Murs and I’m taking Honey Boo Boo with me. She’s been my rock right throughout all this bullshit. We’ve laughed together, cried together and to say that we’re now great buddies don’t even come close gentlemen. She’s agreed to come with me and help me search for a quiet spot to build our new home, probably somewhere behind one of his ears or just beneath the hairline where we can get the peace and quiet we both hanker for”
Murs himself was unavailable for comment last night but we spoke to his mother, Martha, 109, who told us.
“I have to tell you Olly’s none too pleased at the prospect of having an unpleasant little turd like Justin setting up home on his massive dial, but the bottom line is he needs the cash. In any case it’s better than having Vanessa Feltz taking up residence there. I mean to say imagine having that bloody great arse plonking itself down on the tip of your nose half a dozen times a day!”
The announcement, which will dismay Bieber’s millions of fans worldwide, comes just days after the President of Nigeria revealed plans to move the entire population of the country onto Simon Cowell’s forehead.
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