Dorking Woman Crowned World Car Door Slamming Champion

Mrs Smethwick’s family take a few moments to recover following a door slamming incident in a lay by on the A12 last night

In a thrilling finish at a branch of Car Giant in Dagenham, East London, a woman from Dorking in Surrey last night clinched the coveted World Car Door Slamming title, beating five hundred other females representing countries from all over the world, the first time the prize has been wrested from American grasp since its inception in 1947.

Mrs Emily Smethwick, 35, managed to slam 60 car doors unnecessarily hard in two minutes and forty five seconds, smashing the world record by a hefty 9.4 seconds.

Speaking to reporters afterwards, Mrs Smethwick, married with 5 children, said.

“This is the proudest day of my life without doubt. I’ve been slamming car doors with excessive violence ever since my husband, Ted, bought an Austin Maxi in 1978 and I managed to completely destroy the lock striker plates within 6 weeks of him buying it. However this has to be my greatest achievement by far. I can’t wait to ring my mum and tell her my news. She’ll be absolutely made up for me. It was actually her that set me on the road to success with her constant slamming of the passenger door on my dad’s Bull Nose Morris until the hinges gave out and the little indicator that used to pop out of the side fell off. What a day for all the women in our family!”

We tried to get a few words from her husband George as they left the venue but he’s been profoundly deaf for 10 years due to perforated ear drums and neither our reporter nor camera crew knew sign language.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

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5 Comments

Filed under Humor, Humour, Satire, Spoof

5 responses to “Dorking Woman Crowned World Car Door Slamming Champion

  1. Shirley has, during our 27 years together slammed as if to get a recoil some 17 lavatory seats to smithereens. You will understand then when I say I appreciate this tale. Great stuff.

    Like

  2. This is hilarious. Glad I found your blog.

    Like

    • Not as glad as I am mate. I get a hundred quid and a can of Tennants Super from WordPress for every “like” I get.

      If it carries on like this I’ll have 200 quid and 2 cans of Tennants!

      On a serious note, thank you for your kind words Mark, much appreciated.

      Like

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