Chinese Nationals Claim Police Beat Them In Cells.

A good-natured British bobby in typical good humour before being given, what he considers to be, joke names, pictured last night

Three Chinese students are considering taking legal action, after they claim that they were subjected to savage beatings by a number of officers from London’s Metropolitan Police, following their arrest for alleged disorderly conduct after a night out in the capital last month.

One of the men told me in an exclusive interview.

“We had just left a nightclub in West London and were making our way back to Victoria Station. I fully admit that we may have been a little bit loud as we’d been drinking quite heavily and were in good spirits. A passing police car spotted my friend urinating in a shop doorway and all three of us were arrested and taken to a nearby police station”

“At first the officers were absolutely fine and even made a few good natured jokes about our condition. They told us we’d be issued with a caution and released first thing in the morning”

“It was only after the desk sergeant asked for our names that the mood changed. Without warning we were dragged to a cell, where we were wrapped in mattresses and then beaten with truncheons for around five minutes or more. We were then stripped of our clothing and left in the cell together. After an hour or so another officer entered and turned a freezing cold hosepipe on us. Female officers were then brought to the cell who began laughing and pointing at our shrivelled genitalia. Eventually, at around 6.00am, we were given back our clothing and allowed to go free. It was a dreadful experience and has changed the way I and my friends think about the British bobby for ever”

The three men are due to appear at Bow Street Magistrates Court in January of next year and have been named as Fuk Yu Sun, Lik My Dik, and Yu Fat Fuk, all aged 23, and originally from Wang Kin Province in Northern China but currently residing in Cockermouth in Cumbria.

For more utter drivel of a similarly appalling standard please visit


Filed under Comedy, Humor, Humour, Satire, Spoof

2 responses to “Chinese Nationals Claim Police Beat Them In Cells.

  1. Well that one lightened my bleak morning mood more than a tad!



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