Subbuteo Table Soccer To Introduce Loose Women In 2014 Version

A few young hopefuls waiting for autographs and impregnation pictured outside Upton Park last night.

Table football icons, Subbuteo, have announced plans to introduce a series of figures representing the gold digging floozies that throw themselves at Premier League players with an eye to getting in the family way by them, or selling their stories to the Sunday papers
Mr Christopher McManus, marketing director for the company, told us “We pride ourselves on our accurate representation of the world of professional football, so it seems  only logical that we produce a range of scantily clad hussies that will approach the players after each game and offer them sexual favours in return for a few glasses of bubbly and a chance to get themselves pregnant in a plush hotel room the very same evening.”
 “We intend to make a fairly extensive range of strumpets, with blondes, brunettes and the odd ginger one, just to be on the safe side”
 “Each model will come with a detachable base so that they can be laid on the pitch with their legs open, or even bent over a crush barrier, and sorted out in one of our model grandstands”
“To increase authenticity each figure will come with a small handbag containing cigarettes, makeup, a condom with holes in it and their knickers”
 The skilled  and diligent Subbuteo enthusiast will soon be able to flick these figures towards players as they come off the pitch. At the point of collision a small spring loaded device in the base will make all their clothes fall off.”
 “Our team of model makers are currently working on a heavily pregnant version who will turn up outside the dressing rooms before games demanding exorbitant maintenance payments along with a house and an Aston Martin.”
 When questioned as to whether a scheming rent boy version was being considered for gay players, Mr McManus said “Not at present as none of the players want to come out of the closet. The queer ones will just have to content themselves with having a crafty butchers  at their team mates nobs in the showers or masturbating furtively under the water in the communal bath”
Advance sales are reportedly brisk with the main interest coming from the Essex area.


Filed under Comedy, Humor, Humour, Satire

2 responses to “Subbuteo Table Soccer To Introduce Loose Women In 2014 Version

  1. Worth the wait – magnificent!


    • Thanks Mike and apologies to yourself and every bugger else for the dark font on a dark background. I wrote it in Outlook and c&p’d it.
      *rolls back cuffs and extends wrists*



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