Dear Papa Dee
Over the last few months I’ve become convinced that my wife is having an affair. She’s 23 and I’m in my early 60s. Just lately I’ve noticed her taking much more care over her appearance and she’s begun wearing a lot of revealing outfits, particularly at weekends when she often doesn’t return home until the early hours of Monday morning after setting out on Friday evening. She has also become very secretive with her phone, swearing and lashing out if I go anywhere near it. I’m now at my wits end as I love her very much and don’t want to lose her. Is there anything I can do to get her to spend more time with me and to go out less?
Rankin’ Papa Dee ‘im say.
Lawd Jesus! Easy now me bredrin. Nah get so vex sah! When da poom poom start to neglect their duties dem, you ‘ave to put dem under some bloodclaat ‘eavy manners me yoot. First ting you ‘ave to do is throw some ‘ard wood pon her man. Nah tek no for an answer me bredrin. Jus ‘old ‘er down to raass and drive some ‘eavy, ‘eavy wood pon dat poom poom till she learn some manners dem. She will respeck you when you done made your water sah.
Next ting is to tek care of de rival yoot . Tek up a ratchet and a pistol and put em in yo waist brudder. Den go pon dis boombaclaat’s yard and shoot ‘im up and cut off ‘im lilly cock wid da rachet.
When you done all dem ting and dis pussyclaat ‘im dead, go back pon your yard and tell de bloodclaat wife to get in da kitchen and make up a whole ‘eap o’ curry goat and dumplin’, cos you is ‘ungry to raass after mashing up ‘er lilly bwoifriend and killin’ im claaat.
Blessed love me bredrin
Rankin’ Papa Dee.
Image of me looking a little more righteous than usual by Mina.
Character inspired by my good friend and blessed yoot Carl *Shakey* Shakes