World Cup Latest: Glasgow in the grip of England fever

 

braveheart world cup

Wild scenes in the Bridgton district last night as England fever takes hold

 

 

With England’s World Cup clash with Tunisia just 24 hours away, the city of Glasgow was last night awash with England flags as a state of fevered anticipation gripped the whole of Scotland

Barely a car can be seen without a St George’s cross flag fluttering proudly from the roof, and in districts like Govan and Maryhill, entire blocks of flats are swamped with flags and daubed with messages of support for Gareth Southgate’s boys.

We spoke to one resident of a tower block in The Gorbals that had been lit up with red and white lasers last night.

Tobias McDell, 53 and unemployed, told us: “Ah havenae known anything like it ah swear tae God. It’s like the spirit o’ ’66 has taken hold o’ the entire nation.

“Ah cannae imagination the joy in this city if yon England boys come hame tae Britain wi’ the cup.

“There’ll be celebratory rammys and slashin’s across the entire city ah’m thinkin’. Aye the streets o’ Glesga wull be flowing wi’ the claret and the Bucky oan the day they England boys dae the country proud!

In other news, England supporters south of the border have taken a more sedate viewpoint, with many grimly preparing to beat up their wives after a really good spanking from Tunisia.

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, Satire, sport

WORLD NEWS

The Whitechapel Whelk

Dumb and Dumber

trump & kim

NEXT WEEK: The 45th President of The United States consults Little Jimmy Osmond on securing a lasting peace in the occupied territories.

picture courtesy of SoZ Satire incorporating The Whitechapel Whelk. 

https://www.facebook.com/SoZsatire/

All rights naively waived to billions across the entire globe

View original post

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Local woman who broke wind during first date spends first of many sleepless nights wondering if man heard it

The Whitechapel Whelk

373995690_c5034d7cf4 Ms Dell pictured last night

A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman managed just 2 hours sleep after she broke wind in a restaurant where she was on a first date with a man she had met on Tinder.

Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Vallance Road, told The Whelk: “It happened during dessert. My spoon slipped from my hand, and as it clattered onto my plate, I farted with surprise.

“I looked up and saw that my date was looking down at his food. He was pretty expressionless so it was hard to tell if he’d heard it.

“It wasn’t an absolute rip-snorter or anything so I’m praying that he didn’t notice.

“Having said that, he was pretty quiet for the rest of the evening and he did make me get the bus home instead of dropping me off in his car.

“I hardly slept a wink last night and I’ve a horrible…

View original post 39 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Trump Presidency Approval Survey Pretty Much As Expected

The Whitechapel Whelk

The survey was carried out by leading pollsters, Gallup, and was conducted in over 86 countries, including The United States of America and Iran

trump pie chart

NEXT WEEK: We reveal the results of a poll asking people if they’d like to shoot Piers Morgan in his big fat face.

View original post

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Beckham under fire after tattooing himself during royal wedding

The Whitechapel Whelk

David-Beckham-Tattoos-1 Tats naughty. Beckham pictured at the free bar last night

Critics have hit out at soccer legend, David Beckham, who was spotted tattooing one of his legs during yesterday’s royal wedding ceremony at Windsor Castle

The former Manchester United and England icon was spotted by a BBC camera with his trousers pulled down to his knees and was clearly seen using a piece of sharpened bamboo and a bottle of Indian ink to etch a crude ship’s anchor tattoo with, ‘Mum and Dad’, in a scroll underneath it on his upper thigh.

The criticism of Beckham’s behaviour is reminiscent of the outcry that ensued after Prince Andrew’s daughter, Eugenie, was spotted in a pew at the back of Westminster Abbey having her pubic hair fashioned into a heart and dyed pink during the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton in April 2011.

View original post

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

London’s Lost Tradesmen: The Ropefarters of Rotherhithe

The Whitechapel Whelk

oiMfga7

In the early 1900s, all of Britain’s newly-manufactured nautical ropes were sent to Rotherhithe in south-east London, where highly skilled artisans would season the raw hemp by passing wind over the coiled ropes in specially designed sheds, or, Gruff Houses, as they were known.

Each Ropefarter would eat up to 12 tins of beans and 3lbs of Brussel sprouts before each 11-hour shift and would often expel up to 600 atmospheres of gas during that time. That’s enough to inflate an average hot air balloon 5-times.

The Ropefarters were eventually made redundant by the shipping companies when residents in neighbouring Bermondsey complained about the noise and smell after a number of young children and elderly people died from asphyxiation during a 24-hour shift on a blisteringly hot day in July 1903.

Source: The Ripsnorter and Botty Burp Guide 1907

View original post

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour

Jacob Rees-Mogg proposes ‘Brit-O-Vision’ song contest.

The Whitechapel Whelk

Jacob speaking latinControversial Brexit hard-liner, Jacob Rees-Mogg, told the House of Commons yesterday, that after Britain pulls out of the EU, the United Kingdom should also withdraw from the Eurovision song contest and hold its own, Brit-O-Vision version of the popular annual spectacular

Rees-Mogg told The House: “I don’t see how we can present ourselves as a truly independent sovereign nation while we’re still taking part in an event in which the balance is clearly tipped heavily in favour of the Europeans.

“Year in, year out, our songs and performers are head and shoulders above those of the foreigners, and yet, we end up right down the bottom of the table when the votes are counted.

“It’s humiliating to see our great nation humbled by people who didn’t know how to use a knife and fork or understand the rules of croquet until we conquered and civilised them.

“Brit-O-Vision would feature all-British…

View original post 99 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour