A picture from the skit that made me ashamed to be British pictured last night
As the editor of a highly- ignored satirical magazine, there’s not much that makes me ashamed to be British. However, when I read this skit earlier, I felt like tearing up my passport and applying for Australian citizenship. I don’t mind admitting that I blubbed shamelessly from start to finish, in a mixture of impotent rage and a deep soul-obliterating shame. My anguish was compounded even further because I had written it not 10 minutes previously.
Can I ask you most humbly to read this from a compassionate and caring angle and not from the standpoint of some despicable foreign fuck.Thank you.
PS. Could I also ask you to leave a small comment after you’ve read the piece. Only I’ve been feeling pretty low these last weeks and it’s only been the comments that you good folk have made on my work that have kept me from doing something rash. Only last night I was teetering precariously on the platform at London Bridge station, preparing to throw myself under the 22.50 to East Croydon, when my phone “dinged” and informed me of a particularly irritating and time-consuming, platitude from some annoying sap in Idaho or similar. I immediately felt a joyous surge of new-found joi -de-vivre course through my veins and went straight down the pub. I’m therefore thanking you in anticipation my friends, and I give you my solemn assurance that each comment will be read repeatedly until the dark, smothering blanket of despair leaves me and I go down the pub again.
A masturbatory device trying to look all innocent despite coming under heavy fire last night
The wildly unsuccessful satirical magazine, Soz Satire, was slammed by church leaders last night following an article featuring a masturbatory device designed for use by the recently bereaved to ‘cheer them up’
The editor of the magazine, Clivey Dee, 11, defended his decision to publish the piece in a brief statement to reporters outside the magazine office in Whitechapel East London. “I’m defending my decision to publish the piece and if you don’t like gags about wanking then I strongly advise you against visiting:
A church leader however strongly countered Dee’s argument “It’s bad enough being bereaved without having cockney arseoles like him ripping the piss out of you”
I can’t understand why this chap keeps denigrating WordPress week in week out. I mean to say, it’s great and we’re all just one, great big, happy, romping, liking and commenting family fer chrissakes! What a complete fucking fucker he must be not to be able to see this! :(
Originally posted on The League Of Mental Men:
An out-of-date cover of Soz Satire pictured smirking last night
In a move that will send seismic shockwaves through the blogging world, it is being reported that the entire team of contributors to the popular, humour-based blog, The League Of Mentalmen, have quit to join the successful satirical magazine, Soz Satire, because they “like the music on the stories” and because “it’s got much funnier jokes in it”
LOMM editor-in-chief, Clivey Dee, 12, told reporters “I knew something wasn’t quite right on Monday morning when Inchy hadn’t submitted his customary 27 pieces for editing. Gaz didn’t make a post at all on Tuesday, which I dismissed at the time as a result of him being in jail again, but the real clincher was when Mike completely blew me out on Wednesday and posted a 10,000 plus word poem in his own blog instead. It even had a nude woman in…
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“I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Just don’t make me read today’s Freshly Pressed section again!!!”
WARNING: This skit may contain traces of appalling syntax and unashamed arse-licking.
A bumper Xmas edition pictured covering the editor’s shame last night
The blogging community were jubilant last night following the announcement by the editor of Soz Satire magazine, Clivey Dee, that he is to leave the WordPress site to take up paid employment at a rival blog, where he will be utterly prostituting his art by allowing ads for incontinence pads, funeral homes and Thai brides to clutter up the front page in return for filthy lucre.
Dee, 18, told us from his office in Whitechapel East London “I don’t mind admitting that the money did come into my decision just a tad, but the main reason I’m leaving is down to the superb ‘liking’ and commenting facilities at the new place. Yesterday alone I liked over two thousand blogs and made a whole phalanx of irritating, time-consuming comments on countless others. It was so great and so exciting that at one point I became visibly aroused and had to stumble to the toilets with a copy of our bumper Xmas issue concealing my shame”
Editor’s note: All of the above is absolutely true, especially my age. I therefore bid you all a fond farewell and wish each and every one of you a very merry Xmas and, above all, a happy and a peaceful new year.
PS. I hope some of you will pop into the mag from time to time to say “hi” to our stats counter. There’s money in it for me you see ;)
Dear Soz Satire
I was listening to the new Band Aid single in the kitchen last night and at one point somebody quite clearly said “There’s a world outside your window and it’s a world of dread and fear” and yet when I looked out of my window the 18 year old geezer from next door was outside with his mates and they were drinking beer from cans and passing round a huge reefer. One of the lads was even groping his bird’s tits. Where’s the dread and fear in that then?
Once again it’s a case of overpaid pop stars trying to scaremonger and to cause unnecessary anxiety among the general populace.
For more jokes of a similarly dirt-poor nature I suggest you visit:
I wont tell you again folks! That’s because I’m leaving the dreaded WordPress this Fridee. I can’t stands no more you see :)
Filed under Humor, Humour