WordPress Slam Satirical Magazine For Publishing Satirical Article

punch2

“That’s not the way to do it!” A WordPress “satirist” delivers his damning verdict

 

The popular blogging site, WordPress, have hit out at the online satirical magazine, Soz Satire, for publishing an article last night which they deemed to be “far too satirical and a bit short for our taste”

A spokesman for WordPress said last night “In our opinion the article was far too satirical and a bit short for our taste. This is not the sort of thing we wish to be associated with and we distance ourselves from it completely. The piece was barely 100 words long and contained little or no swearing. There was also a complete failure by the writer to document intimate, teeth-jarring details of his absolute, fucking car crash of a sex life. We most certainly will not be asking the magazine staff to accept an intrusive, and utterly tedious award, requiring intimate details of the lives of the writers, any-time soon, let alone nominating them for our Freshly Pressed section that no fucker ever reads, ever”

The author of the piece, which satirised a convicted rapist being given his job back by a football club, Clivey Dee, 23, was contrite when  he spoke last night “Look here, I’m extremely sorry about all this. I shall write a mind-numbingly boring, one thousand word load of old toot with lots of lovely swearing and characters with funny names in it later today to make up for it”

Too see for yourselves what all the furore was about, and to be reduced to biting down hard on your knuckles when you realise there’s no facility to leave an irritating, time-consuming, fuck-witted comment, why not visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

It’s called “An orthodox right winger” and is in the “Satire” section believe it or not.

Disclaimer: No sub-editors were killed during the writing of the above piss-take, but you can’t have everything I suppose

 

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Olly Murs’s Big Moisturised Face To Re-Energise Philae Space Probe

olly

He gotta big face

Do you like those Olly Murs skits I sometimes write in which I ridicule his great big face?… No?… Me neither to be honest, but it helps to pass the time while Beyonce goes down the off licence to get the ales in.

Here’s one I wrote while she was cleaning behind the fridge. The clue’s in the title folks:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!mission-to-murs/cb9c

Don’t forget to like and share with all your ickle Facebook and Twitter frendzzzzz  you hear? After all it’s only fair that they too should be allowed to see what a complete bunch of friendless, inept, twats we truly are on that magazine.

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Jubilation As Satirical Magazine’s Stats Sky Rocket

Soz Offices

Headquarters of wildly successful magazine where the concept of IP addresses remains largely unknown

The writing staff at a largely unheard-of satirical magazine were last night celebrating at their East London offices as news broke that their recorded online “hits” had passed the magical 15000 mark.

The editor-in-chief, Clivey Dee 21, told us. “We’re absolutely over the moon to have reached this milestone and it’s all the more remarkable because almost every visit we received was from this very vicinity. I can only assume it’s because we’re a London-based publication and therefore popular with local people in our area. There were a few hits from South London mind you. From the Lambeth area to be exact. I’ll have to ask The Artful Dodger if we’ve got any fans in that neck of the woods. He lives there you see”

If you’d like to widen our readership and be a part of our sparkling success story why not pay us a visit at: http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

Or write to us at:

Soz Towers

22 Shit Street

London E2

PS. No need to leave your IP address as we don’t put any store by any of that silly nonsense.

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Deafening Silence Ensues As Satirical Magazine Advertises For People To Pose In Their Pants

pants

Professional pants models enjoy a steamy romp without risking the chance of an unwanted pregnancy

 

A sullen silence fell across a large part of the civilised world yesterday after a London-based satirical magazine placed an ad in their situations vacant column, calling for people to voluntarily pose in their underwear for a forthcoming photo casebook style section in their December edition.

Editor-in-chief, Clivey Dee 19, told us from his office close to a number of pubs in East London. “The response to our ad has been truly remarkable. I haven’t experienced an unhelpful, surly lack of cooperation on this scale since we advertised for a cartoonist a few weeks ago”

To witness the complete lack of response, bordering on dumb insolence for yourself, visit the Personal And Classified Ads section of the following publication:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

Please remain clothed during your visit. Especially you Inchcock.

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Saudi Embassy Tight-Lipped As Satirical Magazine Takes The Piss Out Of Them

“All I did was take the mats out and bang them against the wall”

 

The Saudi Arabian ambassador to London refused to comment today after a largely ignored satirical magazine ran a piece which lampooned their misogynistic attitude towards women.

The article in Soz Satire magazine made light of the recently announced plans to relax the laws on women drivers in the kingdom, and used a mocked-up photograph of a handcuffed woman wearing a burkha.

The magazine’s editor, Clivey Dee, 23, told us this morning. “I had ten minutes spare before the pubs opened so I thought I’d rip the piss out of the Saudi Arabians for a few cheap laughs. I do this sort of thing all the time to be honest with you”

To see the article and to understand why the Saudi embassy have taken no notice of it, visit: http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire and go to the satire section. The skit is called “Tolerance Of Arabia” and according to the sub editor, “it plumbs new depths of bad taste and appalling syntax”

Disclaimer: No camels were harmed during the writing of the above skit. Well not much anyway. 

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Illegal Immigrants Slammed As 128 Fail To Visit Online Satirical Magazine

illegal immigrant

An “illegal” pictured trying to look all innocent outside the dole office last night.

There were widespread calls for a tightening of Britain’s immigration laws last night as the editor of a London-based satirical magazine revealed that his “hits count”  had remained static on 14,872 for over two hours yesterday evening, despite the fact that over 3 million “illegals”  had swamped the country during Sunday lunchtime alone.

Clivey Dee, 27, editor-in-chief of Soz Satire Magazine, spoke to us from his office above the Lord Rodney’s Head public house in Whitechapel, East London last night.

“To be honest with you I was completely unaware that our stats were frozen for over 2 hours as I was downstairs drinking heavily. It was one of the other writers who rang me shortly after 4.00pm to let me know.

“As far as I’m concerned this is entirely down to the complete failure of Britain’s illegal immigrant community to get off their backsides and log on. If just 128 of them had taken some time off from claiming benefits and raping people we’d have hit the magic 15,000 mark while I was still on my 7th pint.

“Mark my words if the government don’t do something about this soon we’ll all be talking African and living in cardboard boxes under railway arches, while the scroungers are having dozens of kids and living high on the hog in mansions paid for by the likes of you and me.

“I’ve just about had enough of being treated like dirt in my own country and will definitely be voting UKIP at the next general election etc”

To witness for yourself the complete failure of 128 foreign freeloaders to contribute to the stats count of a satirical magazine, visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire

No blacks, yids, Pakis, Irish, queers, or people that have paid a subscription to The Onion.

 

 

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Nurses Slam Satirical Magazine After “Hoodlums” Slur

godfather nurse

“Incensed” The Capo Di Tutti Capi of the nurse’s union pictured last night at an unlicensed boxing function in East London

 

Britain’s leading nurse’s union, UNISON, have reacted furiously to a skit published yesterday in the satirical magazine, Soz Satire, which labelled their members “hoodlums and murderers”  The article also claimed that 95% of the so-called “caring profession” working at the world renowned, children’s hospital, Great Ormond Street Hospital For Sick Children in London, are active members of the Sicilian, organised crime outfit, the Cosa Nostra, or Mafia. who routinely torture the sick youngsters in their care and who maim or execute their parents if they complain to hospital bosses.

The magazine’s editor-in-chief, Clive Danton, 21, spoke to us at his office above The Boleyn Arms public house in West Ham, East London, where he strongly refuted the allegations.

“I was just using satirical license” he said “I’ve got nothing but respect and admiration for the nursing profession and for the wonderful, caring service they provide for the public. Having said that, I did have a bit of a run-in with an Irish trainee nurse last year, who was a bit rough when she rolled my pyjama sleeve up before an injection while I was in to have my gall bladder drained”

The Royal College of Nursing issued a statement last night, condemning the article.

“It’s bad enough when our hard working members are portrayed as saucy, sex objects in Carry On films without having this scurrilous nonsense bandied about. I’ve instructed our members to lobby the magazine and to write to the editorial desk to complain. I’ve also advised them to find the whereabouts of Mr Danton’s barber shop and to garrote him with piano wire while his face is covered with a hot towel”

To see the offending article and to judge for yourself visit:

http://sozsatire.wix.com/soz-satire#!la-cosa-nurstra/c1idw

Stabproof vests and tommy guns are available on request

 

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